NBA Finals, Game 7: screenshot diary

Game 7 of the NBA Finals. A full screenshot diary is mandatory.

Pre-game

Who the hell is Jesse Williams and why does he keep appearing on my screen?

It’s the last time we’ll see this little girl for a while. And thank god; she has the largest head size to body size ratio in American history, and she’s nowhere near “cute.”

1st Quarter

11:54: It’s game time, and the American Airlines Arena is full. It must be Game 7 of the Finals.

11:17: Why is there a fan in full Golden State Warriors uniform? And why is he shouting at Gregg Popovich?

10:02: Tim Duncan steals the ball from Bosh, goes on an open court dribbling adventure and finishes with the dunk. JVG: “That was a slow break.”

8:31: Mario Chalmers’ start: one stupid turnover, one stupid foul, one stupid shot off the side of the backboard.

7:04: Kawhi Leonard makes a facial expression!

4:12 The LeBron Stopper is in the game. LeBron (1-for-4) promptly bricks a baseline J.

1:59: The Spurs roll out the “Jesus wept, let’s pray the Heat don’t go on an 8-0 run with this group on the floor” lineup: Neal / Ginobili / Leonard / Diaw / Splitter.

0:36: The Heat go on an 8-0 run.

2nd Quarter

6:40: Tony Parker and LeBron James have a discussion with Danny Crawford …

6:40: … Tim Duncan ends the discussion.

5:08: Gary Neal banks in a lucky 3. Battier did the same for the Heat in Game 6. In the immortal words of Shaq, “one lucky shot deserves another.” Now we’re even.

3:23: Wade scores his third mid-range J of the game. His legs are bouncy, and he’s affecting the game in a positive way in every possible area.

2:53: It’s Game 7 of the NBA Finals. Less of this please, Miami.

2:47: The Spurs continue to beg LeBron to shoot 3s. He converts; he’s 2-for-2 from downtown.

0:01: Wade hits again and equals his entire Game 6 scoring total with 14 first half points. Calls for Spo to bench him officially look silly. The Heat lead 46-44 at the half.

3rd Quarter

11:46: The Heat fans were in their seats for the start of the first half. You don’t expect them to be in their seats for the start of the second half as well do you?

10:04: LeBron is left wiiide open. He hits; he’s 3-for-5 from downtown.

9:12: Leonard opens the 3^rd with 6 quick points. Mike Breen tells us for the 250^th time in the playoffs: “He has HUGE hands!”

8:49: Danny Green makes an atrociously bad pass that leads to a Wade dunk. Remember when we thought Green was the Finals MVP?

8:02: More of this please, Miami.

7:06: James Harden’s brother is a Miami Heat usher.

5:56: Wade gets into the paint and scores again. He has 18 points and numerous contests and hustle plays. He is the unquestioned MVP of this game so far.

5:27: Green hits his first three of the game. His Zoom Soldier V1s are reduced to £49.99 at Footlocker.

3:37: LeBron: 5-for-7 from downtown.

3:43: Diaw whips (another) gorgeous entry pass to Duncan, who scores. The Spurs go up 65-64 despite LeBron’s long-range shooting. Diaw has played flawless basketball the last three games and is absolutely impacting the NBA Finals. Even Boris couldn’t have seen this coming when he was busy shooting 41% from the field for the Bobcats last season.

2:18: Bill Russell is tired.

0:27: Battier’s three ties the game at 69. Two weeks after falling out of Miami’s rotation completely, he’s 4-for-4 from downtown and looking like 2012 Finals Shane Battier again. And only the good lord Jesus Christ above knows how this game will conclude. Let’s hope He doesn’t get mentioned too much during the post-game interviews.

11:39: Battier: 5-for-5 from downtown.

8:40: Duncan scores off a clear Parker lob pass that Mike Breen describes as a “wild shot.” We hear Duncan shout, “that’s a hell of a pass, boy!” The moral of the story: Mike Breen is a prat.

7:00: Ginobili drops the ball out of bounds.

6:03: Ginobili throws the ball into the first row. It’s unclear why he’s still in the game.

6:03: “Why did I cut Stephen Jackson?”

3:50: LeBron misses another open three. He’s now 5-for-10 from downtown. The Spurs are within three but living on a knife edge.

3:24: LeBron attacks in semi-transition and finds Battier for his sixth three. The Heat go up 6.

3:11: Chris Bosh gets called for the foul on a Duncan and-1. He assumes the toilet bowl position.

3:01: Is this the least inspiring fan sign in NBA history?

2:00: Kawhi knocks down the biggest shot of his life to cut the lead to two.

0:50: Duncan misses from point-blank range …

… twice.

0:39: Duncan blew the Spurs’ last chance, and he knows it. Now Spurs fans can complain about a third title they should’ve won in the Duncan era (along with ’04 and ’06).

0:29: LeBron comes off the Chalmers pick-and-roll …

… and gives the Heat a 4-point lead. LeBron has 35. The Spurs have gone under every screen when defending James, treating the MVP’s jumpshot with absolute disrespect. In Game 7 it has finally cost them.

0:26: Ginobili dribbles into trouble and again throws it away, his third turnover of the quarter, sealing the victory for the Heat. We await his retirement speech.

0:01: The absolute least deserving fans in pro sports see their team repeat as champions. At least they didn’t leave early this time.

Post-game

Juwan Howard kisses LeBron.

Popovich kisses Wade. What the hell is going on?

Tim Duncan has confetti on his forehead.

David Stern speaks needlessly for 30 seconds, and then Micky Arison does the same. Can we please hear from LeBron?

Chris Andersen says something unintelligible to Bill Russell, who looks at him awkwardly.

LeBron claims his second straight Finals MVP. We hear Birdman in the background: “That’s a bad man! That’s a bad man!” LeBron started the Finals slowly, and seemed to be reverting to 2011 Finals LeBron before his epic headband-less Game 6 finish, but he survived and came up big in Game 7 to top off his finest individual season to date.

LeBron shares this insight: “I’m LeBron James, from Akron, Ohio. From the inner city!”

JVG rubs it in for any San Antonio fans still watching with this final analysis: “(The Spurs) will always believe they gave away Game 6. And they had their chances (tonight). Duncan, point blank at the rim to tie it. … Heartbreaking for the Spurs.”