It’s opening night of the 2013/14 NBA season as the Miami Heat collect their championship rings and face a potential Conference Finals opponent: the Chicago Bulls. It’s time for a screenshot diary.
Is the arena full for the start of the ring ceremony? No, of course it’s not. The Miami Heat: a perennial finalist in the battle for worst fans in the NBA.
David Stern’s final ring ceremony. Miami is one of the few NBA cities where he does not get booed.
Andy Elisburg is a big, big man.
Micky Arison: “And I thought I was fat!”
Why are the Heat fans equipped with glow in the dark dildos?
Rashard Lewis is still in the league? Who will play more minutes this season, Rashard or Greg Oden?
LeBron: “Just make sure I get the same calls when Adam Silver’s in charge.”
Wade: “Thanks again for rigging the 2006 Finals. I appreciate it.”
The Heat are playing with yellow/gold numbers and lettering on their jerseys. I’m not sure about it. It’s a classic Stern-era uniform gimmick, and it looks silly.
The yellow does match the ghastly paint on the Heat floor though.
I’m still not sold on Jimmy Butler’s haircut.
Does anyone play LeBron as well one-on-one as Luol Deng? He refuses to bite on a pump fake or jab step at the 3-point line, single-handedly cuts off LeBron’s drive into the lane, and forces him into an awkward turnaround fade-away. The Heat have scored a grand total of 2 points in the opening 3 minutes.
Derrick Rose is BACK.
LeBron settles for the worst shot in basketball: a contested jumper a foot inside the 3-point line. Miami: 2 points in the opening 5 minutes.
Miami’s 6’11” shooting guard Chris Bosh ends the drought with two consecutive jumpers as the Heat start to find their stride.
The next time Tom Thibodeau smiles will be the first.
Norris Cole crosses up D. Rose and hits the J:
The Heat bench loves it.
Mike Dunleavy Jr. has missed roughly 35 open jumpshots and now it’s the Bulls who can’t buy a bucket.
LeBron takes rookie Tony Snell to school on the baseline and the rout is on: 36-20, Miami.
Bosh hits the 3, which is good for my fantasy team, and bad for Tom Thibodeu’s health. 39-20, Heat.
This is getting silly. 41-20, Heat.
Scottie Pippen is in the house. On a previous trip to Miami, he took an inentional Alonzo Mourning elbow to the forehead. No flagrant foul was called. I miss the 1990s NBA:
Prepare for plenty of Oden-in-a-suit shots this season.
LeBron pleads for a delay of game call after a free throw with the Heat up 18:
Bad form, LeBron.
LeBron quickly makes up for it with a sublime look-away bounce pass to the cutting Birdman, who dunks it.
Carlos Boozer (the only Bull to show up) scores two of his 31 points and the Heat lead is now somehow only 8 points.
Marv: “Steve, I look around the arena and see a lot of people have left.”
Steve: “I’m guessing these are the same people who left early in Game 6 when the Spurs were up 5.”
Shane Battier seals the game for good with a 3. He has 14 points in 22 minutes, and when he does that, the Heat are virtually unbeatable. Final score: 107-95, Heat.