Heat vs Bulls: opening night screenshot diary

It’s opening night of the 2013/14 NBA season as the Miami Heat collect their championship rings and face a potential Conference Finals opponent: the Chicago Bulls. It’s time for a screenshot diary.

Pre-game

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Is the arena full for the start of the ring ceremony? No, of course it’s not. The Miami Heat: a perennial finalist in the battle for worst fans in the NBA.

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David Stern’s final ring ceremony. Miami is one of the few NBA cities where he does not get booed.

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Andy Elisburg is a big, big man.

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Micky Arison: “And I thought I was fat!”

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Why are the Heat fans equipped with glow in the dark dildos?

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Rashard Lewis is still in the league? Who will play more minutes this season, Rashard or Greg Oden?

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LeBron: “Just make sure I get the same calls when Adam Silver’s in charge.”

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Wade: “Thanks again for rigging the 2006 Finals. I appreciate it.”

1st Quarter

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The Heat are playing with yellow/gold numbers and lettering on their jerseys. I’m not sure about it. It’s a classic Stern-era uniform gimmick, and it looks silly.

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The yellow does match the ghastly paint on the Heat floor though.

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I’m still not sold on Jimmy Butler’s haircut.

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Does anyone play LeBron as well one-on-one as Luol Deng? He refuses to bite on a pump fake or jab step at the 3-point line, single-handedly cuts off LeBron’s drive into the lane, and forces him into an awkward turnaround fade-away. The Heat have scored a grand total of 2 points in the opening 3 minutes.

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Derrick Rose is BACK.

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LeBron settles for the worst shot in basketball: a contested jumper a foot inside the 3-point line. Miami: 2 points in the opening 5 minutes.

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Miami’s 6’11” shooting guard Chris Bosh ends the drought with two consecutive jumpers as the Heat start to find their stride.

2nd Quarter

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The next time Tom Thibodeau smiles will be the first.

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Norris Cole crosses up D. Rose and hits the J:

The Heat bench loves it.

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Mike Dunleavy Jr. has missed roughly 35 open jumpshots and now it’s the Bulls who can’t buy a bucket. 

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LeBron takes rookie Tony Snell to school on the baseline and the rout is on: 36-20, Miami.

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Bosh hits the 3, which is good for my fantasy team, and bad for Tom Thibodeu’s health. 39-20, Heat.

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This is getting silly. 41-20, Heat.

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Scottie Pippen is in the house. On a previous trip to Miami, he took an inentional Alonzo Mourning elbow to the forehead. No flagrant foul was called. I miss the 1990s NBA:

3rd Quarter

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Prepare for plenty of Oden-in-a-suit shots this season.

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LeBron pleads for a delay of game call after a free throw with the Heat up 18:

Bad form, LeBron. 

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LeBron quickly makes up for it with a sublime look-away bounce pass to the cutting Birdman, who dunks it.

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Beautiful.

4th Quarter

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Carlos Boozer (the only Bull to show up) scores two of his 31 points and the Heat lead is now somehow only 8 points.

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Marv: “Steve, I look around the arena and see a lot of people have left.”

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Steve: “I’m guessing these are the same people who left early in Game 6 when the Spurs were up 5.”

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Shane Battier seals the game for good with a 3. He has 14 points in 22 minutes, and when he does that, the Heat are virtually unbeatable. Final score: 107-95, Heat.

 

 

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